Butterflies

In literature, the butterfly symbolizes life, freedom, and beauty. Despite so, I hated being likened to one because butterflies are just too unpredictable and free; It's almost always cruel to pin one down. I didn't want to be seen as unreliable by those dearest to me, so I grew roots, built structures, and tied myself down.

This past year was my year of metamorphosis. What started as three months in Thailand transformed into a lifestyle. Today marks the 1st anniversary of living away from my roots and pillars.

A year ago, my job was understimulating and an overwhelming stressor. I lived at home, and most of my paycheck went into the superficial and material. My life was in Singapore. Now, my every day is challenging and fulfilling. My money goes to rent, groceries, and plane tickets.

The biggest change of it all was breaking free from my mental constructs. Gone is the safety of familiar Singapore, but I would not have known of my love for mountains if I had stayed. Moving to different rental apartments every month taught me that home is the haven you create, not the choice of furnishing (though it helps) or what you own. Leaving my job without a backup was reckless and risky, but it led me to co-found and grow Re:cast AI, what I truly believe is a revolutionary solution.

I love mountains!!!

Living life on the road is enviable to many, and I am lucky to be free in this way. But unbeknownst to many, I lose my wits every few weeks and believe I'm royally fucking up because my daily life was not what I always thought it would be. "I need to settle down and physically be with my people."

But every time I fall, my people remind me everything's okay and they're still here with me. When I feel lost and unsure of what I am doing, my people think the world of it and give me all their support. When I can’t stare directly in the mirror, I have a kind and patient partner who loves me when I don't, knows my moods before I do, and takes care of me when I can't.

This past year of constant change made me critical of what I want to carry with me. To whom do I give my love and time, and what is the best I can do today? These are daily decisions to the big question- Who am I now, and who do I want to be?

But that's the thing. I will never know, and it will be like this for the rest of my life. My life will bring surprises and uncertainty with every decision, changing in ways I can never foresee because I am a butterfly. And it's all okay because those who love me know that's who I am and accept me wholeheartedly.

Changes scare me, and this year has been full of them. But I am the better for it. Onto another year of life, freedom, and unpredictability!